A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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