I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You can't special order awesome
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
