Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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