I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
