just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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