what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
