Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i think i have two assholes
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
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