so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
