i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize