You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
