If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
