Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
