I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm sobbing to NWA
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
