I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
