Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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