So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
