hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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