there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
