there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
NoShamevember. You game?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
