well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
