ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
handjob tips. give me some.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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