If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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