Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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