that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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