I think i peed on brittanys purse
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
