SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
