"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
