ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
