Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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