Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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