First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
