As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
