Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
