How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
