Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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