if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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