Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
