i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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