she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
