So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
