apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
