and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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