Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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