This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
