Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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