I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
