Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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