I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
