I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize