I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize