Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
