Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
