I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Can you bring me the toilet please
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
