i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
