it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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