I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
