Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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