so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
