Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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