I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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