All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
