I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
