Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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