the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
