i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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