i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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