I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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