Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
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