he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
