yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
