Just fell off a train. Bad.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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