Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
