He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
