it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
