I'd wear matching sweaters with you
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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