God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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