I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
