those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
