She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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