took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
