Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
