Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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