What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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