so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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