im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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