you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
