i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
