So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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