god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just invented taco cereal.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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