When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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