There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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