What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
accomplished twins. life is a go
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
