Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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