Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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