I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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